


Vivere

by eliren



Category: Chronicles of Narnia (Movies)
Genre: Amnesia, Angst, Aslan Interferes, Depression, Fluff, Lilliandil I'm Sorry, M/M, Magic, Movie Verse Only, Mutual Pining, My Silly Boys Are Silly In Love, OC Characters Added, OOC Lilliandil, Once I Write The Smut I Will Add More Tags, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Post Dawn Treader, Rating May Change, Recovery, Royalty
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-10-09
Updated: 2016-10-13
Packaged: 2018-08-20 09:00:05
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 10
Words: 13,713
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8243737
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/eliren/pseuds/eliren
Summary: Edmund is not coping well after leaving Narnia for the third time, knowing that he will never be viewed as a king again; seen merely as a kid with little to no importance. He pushes anyone and everyone away, including his own family – who start to fear for both his sanity and his life. 
Meanwhile, in Narnia, Caspian is having his own problems. Torn between two sides, he must make a choice – but will either one make him or his people happy? If only there was a third alternative…
Well, Aslan has a solution for both of them. Praise Aslan.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This was originally posted on ff.net under my username reneliz. For anyone who is reading this here who is familiar with it from there, I'M SO SORRY FOR NOT UPDATING IN THREE YEARS OMG. I'm an awful terrible person! Also, you might want to reread the previous chapters because I have gone through them all and made some revisions. Nothing major, just grammar and other things. But it has been three years, so you may want to read them again to refresh your memory anyways.
> 
> To anyone new, welcome! I promise that I won't go three years without updating again! I have a plot outline planned out for the rest of the story, so this should go relatively smoothly *knocks on wood*

“Edmund?” Lucy called for the third time, getting no more response than she did the first time. 

She sighed, feeling the frustration build up as he continued to stare off into space and ignore her, and snapped – she clapped her hands loudly right in front of his face. He didn’t jump, but he did give her his attention, even though he was looking at her rather dully, no expression on his face. 

“Yes, Lucy?” he asked automatically, not responding to the worry on her face. He never did anymore – he was used to it. He was used to all of it. 

When Edmund, Lucy and Eustace returned from Narnia after their experiences on the Dawn Treader, they were all different people. 

Lucy was the least changed out of the three. She was still her kind, sweet, and valiant self, but she had a new sense of self-confidence that only an experience in Narnia could bring her. Her encounter with “The Oppressor” as the Dufflepuds had named him, also known as Coriakin, and his book of spells taught her of her own worth, by showing what would happen if she became her sister and lost herself. Ever since then, the self-doubt and consciousness of appearance that is so common with the teenage years seem to have gone away, or at least lessened. Lucy was a better young lady for it.

Eustace was dramatically changed. Gone was the whiney and self-centered child, and in his place was a mature and brave adolescent, who would do anything and everything for his family. Although his parents thought Lucy and Edmund had corrupted their child, that was not the case. Even though being turned into a dragon wasn’t usually a positive experience for most people, it was for Eustace. In order to change back, he had to let go of his greed and selfishness that led him into his current predicament in the first place, and – like Lucy – was a better person for it.

Edmund, on the other hand, had not changed in a good way at all. Sure, while in Narnia he was able to mature and let go of old insecurities like his fear of Jadis, the White Witch, but once they had returned, it was a different story. He had gotten pushed in the subway station when they were taking a trip into a different part of London, and instead of the apology and bow customary in Narnia, he had received a sneer and an additional push. It was like that one experience had brought reality crashing down on him. 

Edmund had suddenly realized that he was a nobody. Not a king, not a member of any form of government or army, not even a man. He was just a middle-class school boy. This struck a chord of worthlessness deep within himself that he didn’t even know he had. He had been able to deal with it the other two times because he had known with absolute certainty that he would be going back. He would be able to experience that feeling of importance again in Narnia, because Aslan had told him that he was going back, and Aslan had never once lied to him. 

His sister and cousin knew this, because he had told them right when he first realized, mainly because of the shock of his realization and because they were present. If they hadn’t been there, he would have told anyone who would listen, be it the wall or the whole city of London. But ever since that one confession, he had cut himself off. 

Edmund would no longer reply to Susan and Peter’s letters from America, he wouldn’t speak to Lucy, Eustace, or anyone else unless asked a direct question. He refused any and all advances from friends and people interested in dating him. He floated along in school, doing what was required of him and nothing more, earning a steady C-average. 

Recently, he had started letting other things go, as well, such as personal hygiene and meals. He had been eating small portions, only eating more when forced. Lucy had been watching over him like a hawk and his siblings’ letters had gotten frantic. Despite Lucy’s prodding and urging for him to eat, he did not do so. He had lost a significant amount of weight, and it had not gone unnoticed by his sister.

Edmund didn’t even understand the point anymore. Why was he even trying? What was his purpose in life beyond Narnia? He was nothing without Narnia and the things he achieved there. There was nothing he could do here in this world that would even come close to his Narnian accomplishments. He had recently been considering giving up the fight altogether. Avoid Lucy and Eustace, constant painful reminders of Narnia that they were – hell, why not just run away? That would be the best form of avoidance. He wouldn’t need money because he didn’t plan on eating and he wouldn’t last long enough for it to be necessary to pay for shelter. 

There was also another reason that he had for his depression. One that he had told no one about and barely even admitted to himself. 

Caspian. He realized on the Dawn Treader that his feelings for Caspian were no longer friendly in nature. He had of course noticed his beauty right when they had first met but hadn’t thought anything of it – he was just a person that he would get to know for a while and then would leave, probably never to see him again. 

But then he _had_ seen him again, on board the Dawn Treader. It had hit him like an arrow to the chest to see all those familiar faces - ones that he had thought to be long dead by now - again. There was one face in particular that he was especially ecstatic to see – the King’s. Caspian and Edmund had grown closer than ever before during their time together. Edmund and Caspian had felt like they could tell each other everything. Edmund had started to fall for him – but how could he not, really? Caspian was handsome, brave, loyal, and a great friend. But it was more than that. It was like a bolt of electricity shot through his body every time he saw the man. 

Right before they had reached Ramandu’s island, he had come to terms with his feelings, and wanted to share them with his confidant, the most important person in the world to him: Caspian. But there had been no time. They got to Ramandu’s island and then – Edmund faltered in his reminiscing as pain hit him anew. And _then_ , Caspian had met Lilliandil. Lilliandil was Ramandu’s daughter, a star, the one that had been guiding them all this way. He saw how taken Caspian was with her beauty, and could not blame him. 

After all, Caspian had no idea of Edmund’s feelings. Plus, Edmund would be leaving soon, and he could not fault his best friend this happiness. 

Edmund finally tore himself out of his memories, and saw that his sister had left, obviously giving up on conversation with him for the moment. He shrugged, and went back to reminiscing.

xXx

Unbeknownst to Edmund, his sister had decided to take matters into her own hands. She wanted to find a way to deliver a message to the one person she thought could get Edmund out of this mess.

One half-hour train ride later, and she was once again in front of the house that had started this whole journey in the first place: the Professor’s house. She went up to the front door and knocked, and when it opened, she was greeted by yet another familiar face. Mrs. Macready’s face showed how clearly unhappy she was to see Lucy again, but for once, Lucy didn’t care. 

“I’m not here to stay, but I do need to see the Professor.”

Mrs. Macready looked affronted, and said archly, “The Professor has better things to do than to – “

Lucy, impatient, interrupted her. “Mrs. Macready, this is a matter of great urgency. My brother’s life is at stake, please! I need to see the Professor.”

The matron examined Lucy’s face carefully, looking for some sign of deceit. She sighed, finding none, and grudgingly let the girl inside. She let her up the staircase and to the Professor’s study, all the while muttering about ungrateful children, and how she didn’t think they could do anymore than they’ve already done for them.

The Professor’s office door opened, and she saw him sitting behind his mahogany desk, looking up to greet her with a smile.

“Lucy, my dear, what a surprise! What can I do for you today?” the grandfatherly figure asked her.

“It’s Edmund, sir. He – " she faltered here, before taking a deep breath and continuing. “He’s sunk into a depression, and there’s nothing I can do that can help him! He hasn’t been eating, barely sleeping, and barely speaking to us. We – my cousin Eustace and I, that is – did manage to get him to tell us why. He said that he’s a nobody.” 

She covered her mouth and forced herself to hold back her sobs, but was not successful. A tear escaped her closed eyes and slid down her cheek. Professor Kirke stood up, a hand outstretched as if to place it on her shoulder. 

“Perhaps you should – “ he started sympathetically.

“No! No. I have to get this out. You have to know. You have to help him.” Another deep breath. “I know how to fix him, that’s not why I came here. There’s only one way he will get better. Only one person that can help him get better.”

Lucy pulled a letter out from her coat pocket, her hand shaking as she did so. “I know you have contact with him. Can you please give him this for me?”

“Of course, my dear.” He said softly. He looked like he wanted to say something more, but held back with a frown that added unneeded wrinkles to his aged face. 

“Thank you.” The brunette said shakily, crossing the room to give the Professor a brief hug. 

The Professor watched her leave, his hands clenched on the envelope she had given him, before collapsing into his chair.

“Oh, Edmund.” He sighed, looking down at the envelope in his grasp. There was only one word written on the outside of it.

_Aslan._


	2. Chapter 2

Away from the grey, dreary streets of London, King Caspian X was having his own problems. 

For one, he couldn’t _focus_ , he thought, frustrated, as he rubbed his eyes for the third time. Unfortunately, this did nothing to aid in his effort to understand the document in front of him. 

Caspian sighed and stood up from behind his desk, giving up for the time being. He walked over to his open window and gazed at the view, resting his shoulder against the side of the frame. The view was one that never failed to captivate him, for it was a view of the sea. 

For some reason, Caspian had neglected to tell Edmund and Lucy his news: that he had rebuilt Cair Paravel. Well, it was in the same spot. It was hard to recreate it exactly due to the lost history of the Golden Age and the extent of the damage to the original structure, but he knew that he gotten one area exactly right. Everything in the great hall was the same, except for one detail – the four thrones at the end of the hall were reduced to two. 

Thinking of the second throne made Caspian wince. That empty spot was quite a heated subject of debate for his people and a sore spot for him. That throne was reserved for his future spouse. 

Despite how hard he has worked in finding peace between the Telmarines and the Narnians, there is still some bitterness. Unfortunately, that bitterness seemed to have manifested itself in the subject of Caspian’s future bride (or groom, if you were going by Caspian’s tastes). The Telmarines wanted their king to marry one of their own, so that their people would have more sway in the government, as Caspian was so annoyingly neutral.

The Narnians thought the exact same thing. They knew that even though he was supportive of both types of people, he wasn’t _truly_ a Narnian, the way the Kings and Queens of old were. Because of that, they wanted a true Narnian on the throne and by Caspian’s side. There was no way they would accept another Telmarine on the throne. In their opinion, there had been far too many of those already. 

Now, they weren’t unreasonable. The Narnians knew that their people weren’t going to be entirely appealing to the King, as most of them had some sort of animal part. That was why their main candidate for Caspian’s bride was Lilliandil, Ramandu’s daughter. She was of good standing, a true Narnian, and beautiful. Even if Caspian didn’t like the way she looked, she was a star and could change forms in order to suit his tastes. 

The Telmarines were far less picky. They took pretty much every girl of high class, mainly the Lords’ daughters, and thrust them at Caspian, urging him to pick one of them. 

The two sides were at an impasse.

Caspian had always known that he would have to marry for political reasons. Kings didn’t get to marry for love. But this – this was impossible. He had to marry someone who would please both sides and that he had a chance of happiness with. He knew that all the Telmarine girls and Lilliandil were out of the picture. If he married either one of them, then one of the sides of his kingdom would be furious – it might even spark a rebellion because they feel they aren’t being represented. 

No, his only choice was to marry someone neutral – but there in lied the problem. He couldn’t find anyone neutral. Everyone he had met that claimed to be neutral wound up trying to sway him to one side or the other, and Caspian always caught it, even when they were being “subtle”. 

This would be a whole lot easier, Caspian thought, if he hadn’t already found someone perfect. This person was neutral, of good class and high standing - hell, they were the highest standing possible under his own! – and he was in love with them. But the only problem was that they were gone, and he knew without a doubt that he would never see them again. 

Caspian gave a great sigh, and blinked the incoming tears out of his eyes. No, he wouldn’t cry over this. He had already done that far too many times. He tried to block out his Uncle Miraz’s cruel words, but it was no use. His voice rang out in Caspian’s head, causing him even greater melancholy than he was already feeling. 

_"True kings don't cry."_

xXx

Meanwhile, deep within the forests of Narnia, near a portal between the worlds that few knew about and even fewer could use, there was a great roar of grief. All the birds and creatures in the area fled from the noise and feeling of great sadness that permeated the air. 

xXx

Lucy blinked down at the package in her hands once again, still not being able to grasp what she was seeing. She had gone to see the Professor only two days ago! How had the post gotten here so fast?

Then she felt like slapping her forehead at her own stupidity. 

_Duh. Aslan._

“Who is that from, cousin?” Eustace asked curiously, not being able to hold back. He had waited patiently for Lucy to explain, but after watching her stare at it for 5 minutes straight, he had thought he better ask. 

His question worked, and Lucy was jolted out of her thoughts and back into the present. She opened her mouth to respond but, mindful of Edmund, who was in the same room, she jerked her head in the direction of the hall pointedly instead. 

Eustace’s brow furrowed, but he followed her out of the room anyways, Edmund not noticing the duo’s departure. 

In a hushed whisper, Lucy explained her plan to help Edmund and what she had done up to that point. 

Eustace looked at her in admiration for a moment, before motioning to the package with his hand. “What’s that, then?”

“It’s Aslan’s response.” Lucy said reverently. 

“Well go on, open it, then!” 

Lucy smiled at her cousin’s excitement, and turned her attention back to the package. Trembling fingers undid the twine on the outside before peeling the paper back. Inside was a tiny vial of clear liquid and a short note. 

The note read: “For Edmund, to be put in his evening meal.”

Eustace had read it over Lucy’s shoulder and asked “How is a vial of medicine supposed to help Ed’s depression?” 

“Perhaps its an anti-depressant? Either way, we just have to trust in him.” Lucy said, just as unsure as Eustace. 

xXx

Edmund noticed his sister and cousin’s anxious gazes as he drank from his cup of water, but was not bothered by it. They had been worried about his eating habits for ages now; perhaps they were now focusing on his hydration? 

Finishing it off, just to appease them, Edmund stood up from the table, taking his dishes with him. He figured that he had done enough to please his family by drinking all of his water and that he didn’t have to pick at his food any longer. 

Maybe tomorrow I will run away, the brunette boy thought wistfully. He still had his plan of running away and letting his life peter out, he just needed to find a day to do so. 

The feeling of exhaustion was nothing new to Edmund, he hadn’t gotten a decent night’s sleep in ages, but this was more intense than any he had felt before. He thought hopefully that he might actually get to sleep tonight as he headed to his and Eustace’s room and threw himself on the bed, pointedly not looking at the portrait of the Dawn Treader on the wall. 

Within minutes he was asleep, not knowing that his life was about to change drastically.


	3. Chapter 3

Caspian was having a very good night, for once. He was actually able to fall asleep fairly quickly, and even deeply enough for him to have dreams. This was very unlike all the nights previous, in which he tossed and turned, and then got up and stared out of his window at the sea. One more point to plus side of this night was that his dreams were of the _very good_ kind, if you catch my drift. 

So, of course, something had to disturb this night, as it is the way of life. In this case, it was a someone, and they were knocking rather persistently at Caspian’s door.

Not wanting to get up, Caspian groaned and rolled over, sticking his head underneath his pillow in a futile attempt to block out the sound. 

But it was to no avail. If anything, the knocking seemed to get louder. Resigned, Caspian pulled himself out of bed, grumbling the whole time. He was just thankful that his painful erection from his _very good_ dream had wilted somewhat. He pulled open his door, a glower planted firmly on his countenance. Not that it did anything to deter the frantic servant that was on the other side of the door.

“What?” Caspian bit out, his voice still rough with sleep. 

“Your Majesty, we, I mean, the guards, they found the ki-, well, I guess it’s just one of the – “ 

“Whoa, whoa there.” Caspian interrupted him, rubbing a hand over his face, to try to clear it of sleep. He dared anybody to try and understand what that jabbering meant, even when they weren’t half asleep. “How about you slow down, and try that one more time?”

The poor flustered servant took a deep breath to calm his nerves, thankful that Caspian was already proving to be more patient and understanding than the other nobles he had served in the past. 

“Majesty, the guards sent me to fetch you because they have found one of the Kings of Old passed out in the courtyard.” 

A deep breath signaled that the servant was not done, but Caspian had heard enough. He threw on his cloak and the closest pair of shoes he could find and before the servant could say any more, he was out the door, racing towards the courtyard. 

The servant sighed, thankful that the spotlight was off him for now, and rushed after his king.

Caspian raced down the halls, cursing the distance between the two points the whole time, all the while a mantra was forming in his mind – it was a desperate prayer to Aslan that it was who he was hoping for and that he was all right. 

When Caspian finally reached the courtyard, his eyes zoned in on the figure lying splayed on the ground, barely even noticing the guards kneeling next to him. The guards had noticed him, though. One of them quickly stood up and approached him and bowed quickly. 

“Sire, he – “

“Which is it? Peter or Edmund?” a breathless Caspian interrupted, never taking his eyes off the boy in the distance. He was desperately hoping that Aslan had seen fit to answer his prayers by sending – 

“King Edmund, sire.”

Caspian’s body actually sagged for a moment, he was so filled with complete and utter relief and joy. 

“Praise Aslan.” Caspian murmured, pushing past the guard to get to his Edmund, ignoring the guard’s “But sire, he – “ as he did so. 

“Ed!” he cried as dropped to his knees next to the boy. 

He reached out and grasped Edmund’s shoulders, pulling his unconscious form against his own body in a tight hug. As he embraced Edmund, Caspian frowned, noticing the boy’s slight weight. He was almost positive that when he hugged Edmund goodbye as he left, the boy had felt more substantial. 

He released him, but not completely, holding him at arm’s length, and examined him. He unhappily took in the gaunt form and the pale and wan face, with dark purple bags under his eyes. 

“What happened to you, Ed?” he whispered to himself.

As he continued his perusal, he noticed something. There was a bag of smelling salts next to where one of the guards had been kneeling. Finally turning his attention to the guards standing over him, he asked:

“He won’t wake?”

They both shook their heads, as the guard who had intercepted him earlier spoke. “No, sire. That is what I was trying to tell you earlier. He won’t wake, and we’ve tried many methods. We were just about to check for a pulse when you arrived.”

Caspian’s happily flushed face suddenly drained of color. “A pulse?” he asked weakly.

He had not even considered the possibility of Edmund being dead. It would explain why Edmund had appeared here, quite alone. Perhaps Aslan expected him to repeat his journey to Aslan’s Country, except this time, he wanted Caspian to deliver Edmund to him. Well, Caspian wouldn’t do it. Edmund was _his_ , he thought possessively as his actions echoed his thoughts. He had pulled Edmund close to his chest again, as his thoughts turned dark.

Wait! His mind yelled at him, telling himself that he was jumping to conclusions. Edmund could very well be alive. Caspian once again released Edmund and put two trembling fingers to Edmund’s pulse point, trying to feel something, anything. 

After a moment, he sighed in relief. Edmund’s pulse was there and it was strong, if slow because he was unconscious. 

“He’s alive.” He said, addressing the two waiting guards. 

“Sire, would you like us to set him up in some quarters?” the second guard asked, speaking up for the first time. 

“No.” Caspian said vehemently, as he scooped Edmund up in his arms, holding him bridal style. “I will take him to my quarters in order to watch over him. Please fetch the healer and send her to me.” 

The two bowed respectively and set off, leaving the two kings alone. Caspian shifted Edmund’s body closer, if that was even possible. He couldn’t help himself, he thought that this boy was lost to him forever, and now that he was here, Caspian wasn’t about to let him out of his sight, lest he disappeared again. 

He walked back to his rooms, slowly this time, taking his time to savor the feel of Edmund in his arms. Once he reached his destination, he set Edmund down on the bed and tucked the rumpled sheets around him. 

Caspian sat down on the edge of the bed and just watched Edmund’s chest rise and fall, hardly able to believe that the boy who haunted his dreams was finally in his bed. 

This boy was the real reason why Caspian couldn’t commit to a courtship. How could he marry someone else when he still loved Edmund?


	4. Chapter 4

_Earlier that night, in England_

After Edmund had escaped from the table, a heavy silence filled the air, unnoticed by Harold and Alberta Scrubb, because they were, for once, not paying attention to their only son. Perhaps if they had, they might have noticed the significant look he shared with his cousin Lucy. That look was filled with apprehension and a mutual need for discussion. 

“Father, may I be excused?” Eustace asked.

“Me as well, Uncle?” Lucy seconded. 

The older man nodded without even looking up from his newspaper, and the pair quickly made their escape before Alberta could stop them. They brought their dishes to the kitchen before moving up the stairs and into Lucy’s room in order to talk. 

“What do you think that potion did, Lu?” 

“I’m not sure. But knowing Aslan, it can only help Edmund. I’m not worried.” Lucy said, ever confident in her faith in Aslan. 

Eustace, being the more practical of the two, was still concerned. 

“He drank the entire potion in one sitting, though. Perhaps it was an anti-depressant, and he was supposed to take it in small doses?” 

“I say, Eustace, if that was the case, Aslan surely would have told us!” 

“Was there a note of any kind in the package you received?”

“You know there was, you read it with me! It said ‘For Edmund, to be put in his evening meal’.” 

Eustace nodded pensively, trying to think of any way they could’ve misinterpreted the message. Coming up with none, he looked up to see his cousin’s eyes shining with an unasked question in their depths. 

“I’m sorry. I don’t mean to doubt you or Aslan, I am just concerned by how quickly he drank his water and then disappeared. I mean, how did he know that we wanted him to drink it? And where did he go?”

Lucy smiled in understanding and said soothingly, “Eustace, we weren’t exactly subtle. We were watching him the whole time, and I’m sure he noticed that we paid special attention to when he drank. He probably drank it all to appease us. As to where he is, lets go check, shall we? He’s probably in your room, sleeping.”

Eustace nodded, trying to get the tension to seep out of his stance, with no success. He followed Lucy out the door and down the hall to the room he shared with Edmund. Lucy pushed the door open gently, and peeked around the doorframe to peer inside. 

She looked back at him with a warm smile on her face and pushed the door open wider. He leaned closer and saw that Edmund was on his bed, fast asleep. He also looked like he was sleeping peacefully, which was a change, for he usually tossed and turned all night long. 

But as the pair watched, Edmund’s form starting to shimmer slightly, becoming transparent. Lucy started forward, her brow creased in worry, but before she could reach him, he was gone. 

Lucy staggered forward those last few steps, before falling forward upon the bed that had just held her dear brother. 

“Ed!” she cried desperately, her throat choked with impending tears. 

Eustace put his hand on her shoulder comfortingly. “This has to be Aslan’s work. He will take care of Edmund, you know this.” 

She turned around and sat wearily on the bed, trying to hold back her tears. 

“I know. But he’s still my brother, Eustace. I-I miss him! You know, before all this happened, he was the one I was closest to, the one who would listen to what I had to say seriously, and not brush me off. He protected me, but didn’t coddle me like Peter and Susan do. I don’t know what I’m going to do without him.”

“You know, Edmund hasn’t really been here for quite a while. He was here in body, but not in spirit. I think that all Aslan has done is rejoin his body with his spirit.”

“Do you mean… Eustace, do you think Aslan has returned him to Narnia?”

“I do.” At this, he sat down next to the brunette and slung his arm around her shoulders. He hesitated, and then said softly, “You always have me, you know. I know I’m no Edmund, but – “

His words were cut off as Lucy suddenly embraced him in a fierce hug. “Thank you.” Lucy said, her words muffled into Eustace’s shirt, as he had recently had a growth spurt, making him a bit taller than her, much to her consternation. 

Eustace then gave a huge sigh, causing Lucy to pull back to look at him in confusion.

“What on earth are we going to tell Mother and Father?”

 

xXx

_Up, down. Up, down. Up, down._

It was only those movements that reassured Caspian that Edmund was all right. Every second that he was not watching the movement of Edmund’s breathing, he was worried that the man on his bed had died. Flashes of Edmund lying splayed out on the ground in the courtyard passed through Caspian’s mind, and though he tried to forget about it, it seemed like the image was tattooed on the back of his eyelids.

_Up, down. Up, down. Up, down._

Where was that healer! Surely she knew that one of the Kings of Old was in need of her assistance?

He could go and fetch her, he supposed. But Caspian was loathe to leave Edmund right now. He feared that it was like watching water boil. It’s fine while you watch, but if you turn away for even a second, the water boils over and your meal is ruined. 

Thankfully, the sound of the door opening saved Caspian any more internal debate. He couldn’t even turn to look towards the sound of the clicking heels on the stone floor. Edmund was more important. 

“Sire.” The healer said, her voice breathless, and the sound of her shoe scraping against the ground indicating a curtsey. 

“He collapsed in the courtyard, after appearing here from his world. You do recognize him, of course?” he said, finally tearing his eyes away to scrutinize the healer’s face.

“Yes, sire. ‘Tis King Edmund, the just.” 

Caspian gave a sharp nod, and turned back towards the bed, continuing with his explanation. “The guards and I can not seem to wake him, even with smelling salts. This is no normal faint. But it does not seem to be a serious illness, for his pulse is slow but steady, as if he were merely in a deep sleep.” 

The healer was all business after that, tuning out the fact that the King was scrutinizing every move she made. She checked his pulse, listened to his breathing, and took all his vitals. She finally turned back to the King, her expression wary but determined.

“I believe that he is in a magically induced coma.”

“Well?” Caspian asked impatiently. “What do we do now?” 

“I have to call in someone more familiar with magic, I’m afraid. I was trained to recognize magic, not to break it.”

Caspian’s face, if possible, filled with more worry.

xXx

A little less than a half-hour later, a Narnian that Caspian was unfamiliar with was bending over Edmund. Apparently he was quite famous for breaking all kinds of magic, but Caspian was still dubious. Especially because said Narnian was getting far too close to Edmund for comfort. 

The faun finally straightened up and turned to address the King. “This is Aslan’s work, I am quite sure of it.”

“How can you tell?”

“Most magic has a signature, and Aslan’s is the most distinctive by far. It was rather easy to recognize.” The faun paused, and then continued hesitantly, “Unfortunately, the thing about Aslan’s magic is that it is impossible to break.”

“What?” he asked sharply.

“Well, what most people do not know is that not only is Aslan the leader of this world, but he is in control of all magic here. When he casts a spell, it is unlike any other. His magic is unchangeable and unbreakable.”

Caspian pinched his brow and tried to hold back his fear and worry. “What happens now?”

“Now comes the hard part, I fear, sire.”

Caspian whipped his head up to look at the cursebreaker sharply.

“We wait.”


	5. Chapter 5

Caspian was startled out of his restless sleep by the door to his room opening. He raised his eyebrows, surprised, because all of the servants and most of the lords knew better than to enter his chambers without knocking. He looked over to the door whilst straightening his back from his position of resting his head on the bed, and smiled when he saw whom it was.

“Professor.” He greeted warmly.

Cornelius had barely moved through the doorframe and was gazing at him sympathetically. Caspian’s thoughts immediately went to the boy on his bed and raked his eyes over his still unconscious form and, seeing nothing wrong, turned his confused eyes to the older man. 

“I hate to tell you this right now, Caspian, but…” he started resignedly, and Caspian tensed. “But,” he continued determinedly “Lilliandil is here and demanding to see you.” 

Caspian groaned and dropped his head back onto the bed. The magician’s daughter had been kind and helpful when they had first met, but eventually, she had revealed a truly demanding nature. She was still sweet, but you did not want to cross her when she didn’t get her way. 

He lifted his head once again and looked beseechingly at the man beside him. 

“I can’t leave Ed, professor. Surely you can understand? _Please_.” He said pleadingly, reaching out to take Edmund’s limp hand in his own. 

The older man clapped him on his shoulder in support and said, “I can stay with him while you go deal with her. Surely you know I will protect him with my life.”

“I know. I trust you. I just – “ he said haltingly, unable to continue. 

Cornelius finished for him. “You just love him. I know, son.” 

Just then, there was a knock at the door. Caspian called out for the person to enter, and a flustered servant walked in. “I’m sorry, sire, but Lady Lilliandil is quite – _insistent_ – that she sees you immediately.”

Caspian felt a rush of sympathy for the poor servant who had to deal with the impatient Lilliandil. He shot the young man an understanding smile, and said, “I’ll be out in one moment. You are free to go back to your regular duties now.”

The servant let out a sigh of relief. He bowed and scurried out before the King could change his mind. 

Caspian turned back to Edmund, and squeezed his hand one last time before gently releasing it. He stood and ran a hand through Edmund’s dark brown hair, the way he had always fantasized about. Except, unlike in his fantasies, Edmund did not release a breathy moan or sigh or anything. He didn’t even stir. Caspian blinked back tears and turned towards his professor. 

“You will come and get me if his condition changes?”

“Of course.” The professor said, as if this was the most obvious thing in the world. Caspian shot him a grin, and walked out of the room. He was of course unaware of the fact that he looked like a man walking towards his doom. The professor let out a soft chuckle before taking the seat that Caspian had just vacated. 

He ran his eyes over Edmund’s face, and said softly, “Welcome back, Edmund. You have been missed.”

xXx

Caspian paused outside the door to the room that Lilliandil was waiting in; in fact, he could hear her heels clicking on the stone floor as she paced back and forth. He straightened his shirt and took a deep breath, steeling himself, before pushing the door open and striding in. 

Lilliandil stopped in mid-pace, and whirled around to face him. “Caspian.” She greeted frostily, “How _kind_ of you to finally grace me with your presence.”

Caspian’s eyes narrowed angrily. He did not appreciate her acting as if she had some sort of right to his time. She was simply the daughter of his friend, nothing more, and it was about time she learned her place. Additionally, his nerves were quite shot, what with his lack of sleep and worry over Edmund. The last thing he needed right now was to be a recipient of another one of her lectures.

“Lilliandil, I am your king, and you will address me as such. I do not tolerate such behavior from anyone who is not in my closest confidences, and I am not about to start now.”

She did not even have the good sense to look a little bit abashed, so Caspian took a deep breath and continued, “Also, I have no doubt that you have come to once again badger me into making a decision about my future spouse. And to spare you the wasted breath, I will let you know that I have made a decision.” Her face brightened considerably, and his darkened with even more anger. “You are not it.”

“Well, who is it then?” she demanded angrily, her posture and face showing her anger and defiance. 

“I do not know. What I do know, however, is that it is not you, and as such, it is no longer your business.”

He took a step back and swept his arm back behind him, clearly gesturing for her to leave. But either she did not recognize it or was being deliberately obtuse, for she took a step closer to him and hissed angrily, “I _am_ the right person to be at your side and upon the throne, Caspian. I will not give up until you accept that.”

She took a step back, and her face cleared of all anger and was perfectly placid. “Now, I do believe that I would like an escort out. Caspian?” she asked sweetly.

“Of course.” Caspian said calmly. “Guard?” he called.

Lilliandil’s expression was one of pure fury as a guard quickly came and gestured for her to go first. Caspian was quite sure that had the guard not been there, he would have gotten a slap to the face. 

He didn’t bother to watch as she stormed out, and instead turned away and headed towards the door at the opposite end of the room. He wearily ran a hand over his face and let out a sigh. He knew that he was not through with her just yet, but he was resolute: he would never take her as his bride. 

He set off towards his bedchambers once again, but his growling stomach waylaid him. He decided to stop off at the kitchens for a quick lunch before heading back.  
He left the kitchens twenty minutes later with a full stomach and smile still on his face from talking with the kitchen staff. They were always full of funny tales. He was munching on an apple as he strolled back to his chambers to check on Edmund when he was stopped once again. 

The apple fell to the floor as the frantic servant delivered her message.


	6. Chapter 6

Lucy Pevensie was writing furiously in a journal when Eustace knocked on her open door. She called for him to enter and he sat beside her, looking at her journal curiously.

“What are you doing, cousin?” he asked.

“Writing of Edmund.” She said shortly, having never stopped writing, even when Eustace entered.

Eustace required no further explanation.

After Edmund had been sent to Narnia, people had started to lose their memories of him. First were her Aunt and Uncle Scrubb, as they didn’t even seem to notice that Edmund was missing. Eustace and Lucy had first put that down to their inattentiveness, but then later they had brought Edmund up in conversation, and Eustace’s parents had no recollection of him at all. 

Understandably, the two were quite shocked and quickly excused themselves to discuss this anomaly. But little did they know, this was only the beginning. Slowly, the mentions of Edmund in Peter and Susan’s letters diminished, until they stopped altogether. Lucy could not bring herself to mention Edmund in her letters to her siblings. She was not entirely sure she could handle it if they claimed not to remember him.

Eustace, however, needed to know the truth. He always had been one that needed to seek out facts and knowledge, so he sent a letter asking if they remembered someone named Edmund. His heart broke when Peter and Susan said no. How can you forget your own sibling, your own flesh and blood, as if they had never existed? He could not bring himself to tell Lucy, although he was sure that she somehow knew. 

The letters that were supposed to come from their school informing them that Edmund was no longer attending classes never came. His report card from the previous year never came, either. The day that Edmund’s belongings started disappearing from his room was the day that Lucy and Eustace finally understood what was going on.

Aslan was erasing all traces of Edmund from their world, so that his disappearance would not be noticed and would not bring up all sorts of uncomfortable questions. Lucy had mourned anew when she came to this conclusion. This confirmed what she had feared: Edmund was not coming back. Her only hope was that one day, she would reunite with her brother in Aslan’s country. Lucy felt a sharp stab of envy for her cousin, as Aslan had stated that he would return to Narnia one day.

Ever since then, Lucy had been living in constant fear that her memories, too, would fade. She had recently had the inspiration to write a journal of everything she could remember of her beloved brother. 

Eustace was worried as well. He too was holding onto his memories of Edmund with his whole being. He did not want to forget his cousin and friend. 

“Do you think I could read some of it when you are finished?” he asked softly.

That caused Lucy to stop her constant writing. She looked up at Eustace with pity and understanding and rested her head against his shoulder. 

“Of course.” She said, her voice equally soft. 

Eustace cleared his throat and rose from his seat. “I will leave you to it, then. Don’t… don’t forget anything, Lu.” 

“I won’t.” she said with a determined look upon her face.

He walked out of her room, and shut the door to the sound of her pen scratching upon the paper.

xXx

_Dark._

That was all his entire world had been for what felt like forever. And up until now, he had been completely fine with it. 

Not today. Today, something inside of him was pushing. Pushing him to fight, to fight against the dark that consumed him. 

There was a hint of brightness, a hint of something amazing waiting for him on the other side. And that, more than anything else, inspired him to fight all the harder.

But, oh, was the dark hard to break through. If you could break a sweat from working in your head too hard, he would certainly be.

Just… one… last… push… and… 

There! He had broken through the barrier. But for some reason, everything was still dark. Oh. He had his eyes closed. After berating himself for such stupidity, he finally opened his eyes.

_Owww._

All right, maybe that wasn’t the smartest idea, he thought as he closed his eyes with a groan. Well how was he supposed to know that some idiot had left the window open and bright sunlight would be streaming straight into his face? 

His groan, however, caused someone to gasp. He startled at the sound, cracking his eyes open once again. Only this time he did so facing away from the dratted window. 

“Edmund?” the man next to him gasped.

“Hello.” He rasped out. 

Who this man was, he had no idea. He felt a foggy recollection tugging at his mind, as if he _should_ know who this was. 

Suddenly, realization hit. This was Caspian’s tutor! The one that Caspian had risked the whole battle in the Telmarine’s castle to rescue. 

But if this was Caspian’s tutor, that means… He felt a warm feeling rush through him. He was in _Narnia_. He never thought he would see this place again. He felt tears prick at his eyes, but he blinked them away and cleared his throat to get rid of the lump that had developed there. 

His throat felt strange, as if he had not spoken in several days. And now that he thought about it, that must be correct. The darkness was becoming a vague memory now, but he did recall it seeming to last a long time. 

The old man seemed to come to his senses at the sight of Edmund looking around, and raced to the door, and addressed the guard standing outside of it. 

“Find King Caspian. Now!” 

xXx

All Caspian could hear was that frantic voice ringing in his head, repeating the same words over and over.

_He is awake. He is awake. He is awake._

He made his legs move faster as he sprinted towards his chambers, fear in every line of his body. Fear that Edmund would be gone before that he got there. Fear that Edmund won’t remember him. Fear that he won’t want to be here and abandon his siblings. And most of all, fear that Edmund doesn’t like him in that way. 

Finally he reached his chambers, and he threw open the door and stopped abruptly to take in the most beautiful sight he had ever seen. 

Edmund was sitting up in _his_ bed, all deliciously sleepy and mussed, looking at him with the biggest smile he had ever seen. 

“Caspian!” he greeted joyfully.

Before Caspian even realized what he was doing, his legs were moving, and he was at the bed with his arms around Edmund in a fierce hug.


	7. Chapter 7

Caspian pulled back just far enough so that he could look Edmund in the eye. 

“I’ve missed you, Ed.” He said softly.

Edmund felt his heart throb in his chest at his words. This was so different from the last time he and Caspian had reunited. Last time, it was a mere clap on the shoulder and a towel wrapped around his shoulders. However, he didn’t allow himself to draw false hope from this. 

Although Edmund and Caspian had grown closer on the Dawn Treader, he knew that Caspian didn’t feel anything more than platonic feelings for him. After all, Caspian’s own words were that he thought of Edmund as a brother. Brothers do not want to jump each other’s bones.

So with that thought in mind, Edmund made sure that his next words were friendly, nothing more. 

“I’ve missed you, too.” He paused, uncertain if he should voice his thoughts. With a mental shrug, he pressed on anyways. “I never thought I would be back here. I thought… I thought that when we said goodbye, it was for the last time.”

“Me too.” Caspian said seriously.

“I’m glad we were wrong.” Edmund added with a small smile on his face.

When Caspian’s face broke out into an utterly heartbreaking smile, Edmund felt a warm shiver travel throughout his body. Edmund cleared his throat, trying to bring himself back to the real world.

“How long have I been out?” 

Caspian’s face grew grim. “Five days. I was rather worried.” 

“Worried?? More like frantic.” Caspian’s professor interjected with a laugh.

They both jumped. The two had completely forgotten that they were not alone in the room. Caspian drew back so that there was a more respectable distance between them. His face was suffused with the heat of embarrassment, and a giant smile spread across Edmund’s face at the sight. Caspian didn’t notice it, as he had turned to shoot his professor a glare.

Cornelius held his hands up in surrender, and left the room, deciding that the two needed some privacy.

xXx

Caspian forgot all about his embarrassment when he saw Edmund’s giant smile. He smiled back at him, and Edmund winked playfully at him.

“You missed me, huh?” he asked teasingly.

“Of course.” Caspian said with a grin. 

The smile was still on Edmund’s face when he threw the sheets off and swung his legs off of the bed, making as if to stand up.

The jovial expression slipped right off of Caspian's face. "Whoa! What do you think you're doing?"

"Apparently, I've been in this bed for five days. I think it's about time I stretched my legs, don't you think?" 

Caspian grudgingly agreed, but still watched carefully as Edmund stood. He was thankful that he did watch because as Edmund soon as he stood up, he swayed on his feet. Caspian was immediately there to steady him by grasping his shoulders. 

"All right there, Ed?" he asked softly. 

"Fine. Just stood up too fast." he replied. 

Caspian gave him one last hard look before releasing his shoulders and allowing him to try again. Edmund shot him an amused look before striding out the door. Once out the door, he paused, waiting for Caspian to catch up. 

"Where do you want to go?" Caspian asked.

"I don't know. Clearly this isn't the Telmarine castle you were coronated in. I wouldn't know where anything is!" 

Caspian got a mischievous smile upon his face, and strode off down the corridor, wondering to himself how long it would take for Edmund to recognize his old home. 

xXx

Edmund smiled bemusedly as he caught up to Caspian. Clearly the king had some plans in mind, and from past experience, Edmund knew it was far better to just go along with it. 

As they walked, certain things started to tug at his memories. The way the light shone in through the windows, the layout of the corridors, the way the decorations were placed; it all seemed like something he had seen long ago.

But when they reached grand wooden doors, his breath caught in his throat. He knew this place, even if he had not yet seen what lay beyond the doors. It couldn't be... Cair Paravel was destroyed when the Telmarines invaded over a hundred years ago. 

But then Caspian was opening the doors, and Edmund felt tears prick at his eyes. It was all exactly the same - the large glass windows, the high arching ceiling, the thrones upon the dais at the end of the room - Wait.

There were no longer four thrones up there. But there was also not the one throne that he expected. After all, there was no logic in four thrones for only one monarch. However, there were two thrones there. 

A thought hit Edmund, and with it a pain that caused him to stop in his tracks and catch his breath. Could Caspian be married? After all, he was the king, and he had to provide an heir for the line of succession to continue. Plus, Edmund had no idea how long he had been gone this time. 

He pushed the pain aside. If Caspian had gotten married, good for him. Although he and his siblings had never married during their reign, they all knew it was expected of them one day. Caspian was just... fulfilling his kingly duties. 

He finally turned to Caspian, who had an expectant and slightly anxious look on his face. 

"You - " here he had to stop to regain his voice. "You rebuilt Cair Paravel?"

Caspian looked more nervous than ever, and he replied quickly. "Yes. We tried to get it as close to the original structure as possible. We used the foundations from the ruins as a guide, but it wasn't enough - we called in historians who specialized in the Golden age. The builders and I pored over old books and- "

His ramblings were cut off when Edmund caught him in a hug. Caspian quickly wrapped his arms around Edmund's waist in return, savoring the feel of him in his arms. He ducked his head into the crook of Edmund's neck and shoulder. 

His heart broke when he felt the front of his shirt become damp with Edmund's tears. 

"Oh, Edmund, I never intended this to hurt you. I'm so sorry."

Edmund pulled back then. "I'm not crying because I'm upset you did this. Please don't apologize, I think it's absolutely _wonderful_. I just never imagined I would see this dear old place ever again." His hand reached up and stroked Caspian's cheek as a wistful smile adorned his face.

Then Edmund caught himself, and pulled back. Caspian immediately cursed it's absence because if Edmund had waited a moment longer, Caspian would've leaned his face into that hand.

Edmund wiped his damp cheeks and looked at Caspian with a soft smile on his face. "Thank you." he murmured softly. 

xXx

After the tour of the rest of the castle, Edmund and Caspian were walking in the gardens. Edmund reached up and grabbed an apple from the fully grown apple trees lining the path. 

"It's remarkable." Edmund said under his breath.

"What's remarkable?" 

Edmund started and looked over at Caspian with a rueful grin. He had not intended for his words to be overheard. 

"Well, a number of things." he said with a grin. "But what I was referring to was the fact that when Lucy planted these, they were mere seeds. Now, they're fully grown trees. It makes me feel quite old."

Caspian laughed at that, and elbowed the boy at his side as he said, "Well, aren't you something like 13 hundred years old?" 

They shared a laugh, and Edmund shrugged and said, "I suppose I am."

"But I'm still older than you." Caspian said, puffing his chest out with joking bravado. 

Edmund punched Caspian playfully, and the two walked in a comfortable silence for a while, both consumed with their own thoughts.

Suddenly, the silence was broken by a large growl from Edmund's stomach. They both looked down at it in surprise, and Edmund laughed. 

"I suppose I really have been out for a while!" 

"Yes, indeed you have. Let us go get some food from the kitchens, and then we shall get you settled into your own quarters."

That caused Edmund to stop in his tracks. "What do you mean my own quarters? Haven't I been there this whole time??" he demanded.

"Erm, well, no." Caspian said, rubbing the back of his neck awkwardly. 

"Where have I been sleeping?" 

"My quarters."

"What?!" 

Caspian's face flooded with heat as Edmund looked on incredulously. "Where have you been sleeping, then?" Edmund asked.

A closer look at Caspian's face caused him to ask another, softer question. "Have you been sleeping?" 

"Yes!" Caspian said defensively.

When no response was forthcoming, Caspian chanced a look at Edmund's face. The younger man was looking at him expectantly, and he knew that Edmund was not going to let this matter pass.

With a resigned sigh, he confessed: "I've been sleeping in the chair beside your bed. I couldn't bear to leave for fear that you might disappear again, or worse."

There was suddenly a hand on his arm, and Edmund was looking at him with a soft understanding look on his face. 

Caspian's breath caught in his throat, and could not stop himself from drawing closer to Edmund.


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just a warning: from here on out, I will have to start including OCs. I just can’t make a fully developed story using only Caspian, Edmund, the Pevensie’s, Aslan, Professor/Dr. Cornelius, Lilliandil, and some random servants and guards. Remember that this is the movie-verse, so I really don’t have many characters from canon to work with. I promise they will not take over the story, but some of them are absolutely necessary to the story line.

Reality hit Edmund like a slap in the face. He jerked his hand away from Caspian's arm as if it were on fire, and stepped away quickly. His heart throbbed painfully at the hurt look on Caspian's face, but he had to retreat from the dangerous territory he was approaching. Caspian didn't feel the same way about him, and even if he did, he would not be his whore on the side. Speaking of which...

"I don't suppose your queen enjoyed giving up her bed for 5 days."

"Queen?" Caspian said, confused. "What in Aslan's name are you talking about?" 

"There were two thrones... aren't you married?"

"Two thrones?” 

“Oh!" Comprehension replaced confusion on Caspian's face, and he hurried to explain. 

"No, no! I have no queen. That throne is for any future spouse I might have; I am not married as of yet. But if the country has it's way, I soon will be." he finished quite bitterly. 

Edmund's brow furrowed. "What do you mean?"

"There has been quite the debate on who my future bride should be. The Telmarines refuse to let me consider anyone other than one of their own, and the Narnians are just the same. I have been fending off lord's daughters and Lilliandil ever since I got back from our journey to the Utter East six months ago."

"Six months? That's exactly the amount of time I've been in England as well. That’s quite surprising, as usually time passes much faster here. The first time, a year for us was 12,000 for Narnia, and a year for me was three for you the second time." 

Edmund paused, and then continued, "Besides, didn't you like Lilliandil when we met her on Ramandu's island?"

"You're right, I did. However, it seems that our personalities do not... mesh very well together." he said carefully. "Also, I absolutely need to marry someone neutral so that one of the two sides does not end up feeling angered or betrayed.

"This could very well threaten the peace that I have worked so hard to restore in Narnia." 

"There is something else you are not telling me - I can see it in your face. What is it?"

Caspian let out a great sigh. He had forgotten how perceptive Edmund could be – too perceptive for Caspian’s own good, anyways. His perceptiveness was what made him such a good politician in his Golden Age. 

"Well," he started reluctantly. "This would be quite a bit easier if I didn't already have someone in mind. They are perfect, neutral, and well loved by both sides."

Edmund pushed aside his pain once more and asked, "Well, why haven't you gone after this person already?" 

Edmund could not determine the expression that was on Caspian's face when he looked up at him. 

"Because up until recently, they were unavailable. But don't you worry, they shall know of my affections very soon." he said with a devious smile on his face. 

xXx

Lilliandil returned to her spot up in the sky in her true star form. She needed to think, and this was always the best place to do so. 

_Why is Caspian being so difficult?_ she thought unhappily. 

Lilliandil had always gotten what she wanted in life, being the only daughter of a magician on an island that had always consisted of just the two of them. When her father had asked her to be the star that guided sailors to their island, she had of course agreed.

Her father had always done any and everything she had asked of him, she could not deny him this small favor. When the sailors had finally arrived, she was smitten. Having never seen any man besides the two elderly lords who slept at Aslan's table, the crew of rugged young men of course attracted her. 

There were two in particular that dressed more regally than the others, and she knew one of them was the king her father had told her about. They, along with the rest of the crew, were quite in awe of her, never having seen a star before. However, their eyes did not hold the lust that the rest of the men's contained. 

She took that as a challenge. No man should be able to resist the attentions of a star. It just wasn't logical. Stars were highly coveted, and if one of them chose you as the object of their affections, then you were considered the luckiest bloke around. 

When they stopped at her and her father's island on their return journey, three of them were missing - one of the possible kings, a mouse, and a young lady. The remaining royal could not be anyone but Caspian, king of all of Narnia. 

King Caspian would hardly look at her, and when he did, she saw heartbreak and despair in his dark eyes. There was none of the awe of earlier, and definitely no lust. 

The challenge was suddenly upped a notch. This was no longer just about salvaging her pride, this was about getting that look out of his eyes. For all that she was vain, she had an equal amount of compassion in her soul. She could not bear to see this man in such pain. 

And if getting him to fall in love with her made her queen, all the better.

xXx

The next day, on an island in the Far East, a young woman sat at her desk, recording her thoughts in a journal. Or at least, attempting to, she thought ruefully as she gazed down at the blank page before her. 

_Hello, my name is Hollis._ she wrote down, figuring that was the best place to start. 

_Hollis_ , she wrote, _what a dreadfully boring name. Nothing like my uncle Coriakin. Now that is a name._

_My uncle suggested that writing in this journal might help me deal with my parents’ death. I suppose he might be right, but somehow I doubt it. It has been nearly two months since it happened, and none of the stories I’ve penned have made me feel any better._

_Maybe writing about myself instead of fiction might be more useful, but it’s still rather difficult. Oh well, here we go. I came to live with my uncle because –_

She broke off when Coriakin entered the room, muttering about foolish Dufflepuds. 

“Locals bothering you again, Uncle?” she asked jokingly. 

He let out a disgruntled sigh, but before he could say much else, another presence in the room made itself known. They both turned around to see, and gasped.

“Aslan!” her uncle exclaimed as Hollis scrambled to her feet. 

“I need to speak with you.” The lion rumbled.

“Of course!” her uncle said. 

Hollis awkwardly started backing out of the room, saying, “I’ll just let you two talk privately.” 

“No.” 

Aslan’s deep voice stopped her in her tracks. She re-entered the room, and stood next to her uncle. 

“This concerns you as well, dear one.” 

This caused Coriakin and Hollis to share a confused look, and then regard the great lion with curiosity. Soon, the two were absorbed in Aslan’s tale of the woes of two great kings, both in the past and in the yet to come. As she listened, Hollis came to realize that one of the kings Aslan spoke of was her dear friend Caspian. 

“How can we help?” she asked immediately. 

When Caspian and his crew had stopped at the island to restock their supplies on their way back from Aslan’s country, Hollis and her parents had been visiting. The two had immediately hit it off. 

Seeing this, her parents had urged her to seek Caspian’s attention in a more romantic way, but she had dismissed this out of hand. She and Caspian were friends, and they could never be anything more.

Not only did she think of him in a brotherly fashion, he simply wasn’t her type. Plus, at the time, she had been 99.999% positive that he was in love with someone else. Now, hearing Aslan’s story, she was certain. 

Aslan looked at her with approval and pride, and suddenly a book was before her. She recognized it as one of the many magic books from her uncle’s bookshelf that she was not allowed to touch. 

“Take this to Caspian. He and Edmund will have great need of it, and of you. But take warning, this will only work if your intentions are pure.” 

Then he was gone, leaving behind a magician and his niece, both shocked into silence. 

It was pure coincidence, Hollis was sure, that two days later, a ship and her sailors stopped at the island for supplies. And of course, a coincidence that they were headed towards Narnia with just enough room for one more soul aboard their ship.


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> FINALLY, the long awaited chapter 9 is here!!!!

Edmund could be a very hard man to find when he wanted to be, Caspian reflected as he strode through the halls. After Caspian had told him of his interest in that backhanded fashion, Edmund had insisted that he wasn’t hungry and had slipped away before Caspian could stop him. Caspian couldn’t have that. Edmund hadn’t had solid food in 5 days! Sure, they had managed to get just enough into him while he was in his coma to ensure his continued health, but it wasn’t near enough to help him regain the weight he had lost while in his world. 

But, recognizing the stubbornness in Edmund that was a fundamental part of the man Caspian loved, Caspian knew that getting Edmund to come down to the kitchens with him when he didn’t want to would be nigh on impossible. So instead, Caspian was bringing the kitchens to Edmund. Ok, not the whole kitchen. But certainly a very sizeable meal, with enough food for two. 

A servant had attempted to carry the tray for him, not accustomed to the king collecting his own meals, but Caspian was not king for nothing. His word was law, literally. He had gotten a general location for Edmund out of a guard, but he was proving harder to find than anticipated. 

Then suddenly, Caspian saw a lone figure on one of the balconies facing out towards the sea. A very familiar figure, indeed. He turned on his heel and threw open the glass doors and called out, “Edmund!”

xXx

Edmund had to get away. He couldn’t look at Caspian’s happy glowing face any longer, as he talked about the person he loved. Yes, it was wonderful to be back in Narnia, but he needed a little while before he could feign happiness at Caspian getting into a relationship. The wound was too raw right now. The look on his face as he spoke about them… it hurt. 

He didn’t know where he was going as he walked blindly through the halls. All he knew was that it was _away_. Soon, he realized that he was blinded not just metaphorically by hurt, but literally by tears. He brushed them away angrily but they just kept coming. 

He didn’t even know that he had gotten his hopes up about Caspian in this way. He’s always known that Caspian could never return his feelings, but something about this just set it in stone, and it hurt like nothing else. 

A breeze made Edmund stop in his tracks. Had he accidentally made it all the way outside? He wiped his eyes clear of tears once more. No, he was still in a castle corridor. The breeze was coming from an open glass door, leading out to what looked like a gorgeous balcony. 

Edmund walked, almost hypnotized by the view of the ocean off the edge of the balcony, placed on the edge of the cliff as it was. He barely remembered to close the doors behind him so Caspian wouldn’t discover him until he was ready to face him.

There were two beautiful lounge chairs placed strategically to get the best viewpoint out of the already perfectly placed balcony, and Edmund collapsed into the nearest one. As he did, he let out an involuntary groan of relief as his feet got to take a rest. It seems that he had been walking longer than he realized, blinded by his pain and his thoughts as he was. 

His feet were yelling at him for it now, and as he looked down at them, he noticed they were in very familiar shoes. Not the ones he had been wearing back in London, oh no. These were the same boots he had worn upon the Dawn Treader. Not just similar ones, but the exact same ones. How had these come to be here? Had Caspian… brought these back with him? Why would he do that?

This thought made him take a closer look at what he was wearing, he hadn’t taken note of it before, because he was so captivated by Caspian’s presence that he couldn’t even think of anything else. Once again, the clothes were familiar. They were the ones he had worn when on the island where Eustace had been turned into a dragon. He closed his eyes as he let the memory of that day rush over him. 

He remembered Caspian’s desperate call of his name as Eustace carried him off to show Edmund his message written in flames. Caspian had sounded terrified, as he watched Edmund get carried away, perhaps forever. He hadn’t thought much of it at the time, concerned as he was that his cousin had been turned into a _dragon_. But now he wondered, would Caspian have searched for him? Obviously yes but for how long? Eventually Caspian would’ve had to move on with his quest. Just to indulge himself though, he thought of what might’ve happened if Caspian refused to stop looking, spending forever tracking down the dragon that had taken him, going mad with grief…

No. These thoughts were just as foolish as the thoughts about Caspian saving his clothes just for him. Caspian was a practical man. He saved the clothes because they are very fine quality and surely could be used for any number of other people who are around his size. And as for what might have happened, well. It didn’t, did it.

Edmund shook off that and all other such foolish thoughts and got to his feet. He walked over to the railing and just breathed in the salt scent of the ocean, allowing it to calm him. He was so grateful to be back here. He was just scared that at any moment he would be ripped away again. He couldn’t leave; this was where he belonged. 

Suddenly, Edmund’s stomach growled. Oops. Perhaps he shouldn’t have been so hasty to run away from Caspian and his offer of food earlier. 

He gave a sigh and resigned himself to hunger for at least a little while longer and looked out upon the blue sea once more and – 

“Edmund!”

Hearing his name called when he thought he was utterly alone startled him far more than he was willing to admit. He whipped around, automatically reaching towards his belt, looking in vain for his sword. But thankfully, he didn’t need it.

It was Caspian. 

xXx

As Edmund whipped around in surprise, Caspian opened his mouth to tease him about being caught off guard like that. But then he got a closer look at his face, and the words died on his tongue. His friendly smile dropped off his face, because Edmund wasn’t just red in embarrassment. No, he had been crying. 

He walked closer, quickly setting the tray down on one of the chairs and then continuing on towards Edmund. 

Caspian grasped his shoulders and said softly, “Ed, what’s wrong?” 

“N-nothing.” Edmund stuttered.

“I know you don’t cry without reason. Please tell me what it is so I can fix it. Are, are you unhappy to be here?”

“No! No, of course not. I love it here and to be back is a dream come true.”

“But…?”

“But, I don’t see _why_. Why am I here? You don’t need me. And how long until I get ripped away again?”

“Edmund…” he started cautiously. “Forgive me for saying this, but I think maybe you have got this backwards. Judging by your appearance when you arrived, I think perhaps this time it isn’t Narnia who needs you but you who needs Narnia.”


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hopefully this chapter is better than the last, which I felt was filled with a gratuitous amount of angsting by our dear Edmund. Enjoy!

Edmund could feel Caspian’s concerned gaze on him, but he couldn’t respond. He was caught in his rapidly spinning thoughts. Was Caspian right? He and his siblings had always viewed it as Narnia needing them and their help to make things right. Sure, they had always left Narnia wiser and more mature than when they arrived but that was just… a byproduct of what they had gone through. Never had Edmund thought that maybe it was the other way around, that they went through those things in order to grow and mature. 

Well, if that was the case, him falling in love with Caspian must’ve really mucked up Aslan’s plans.

Hence this unplanned trip. Was this to show him Caspian falling in love with someone else so he could move on? And then he would be sent home again, perhaps even sadder than before. 

He sighed and looked up, seeing Caspian now holding out one of the plates of food that he had brought in on that tray to him. He wanted to refuse, but then he saw Caspian giving him those damnable puppy eyes, pleading and concerned. Edmund challenges anyone to look into those eyes and not immediately crumble.

Sure enough, when he accepted the plate, Caspian’s face lit up in a triumphant grin. Prat. He knows the power of his puppy eyes.

xXx

He and Edmund ate lunch silently, but it wasn’t an awkward silence. He could practically hear Edmund’s mind buzzing, and Caspian was perfectly willing to leave Edmund to his thoughts in peace. Besides, Caspian had his own thinking to do. Not anything nearly as serious as what must be going through the other boy’s head, but still important.

Now that he finally has Edmund back (hopefully permanently), he needs a master plan to woo him. He was not going to let this opportunity pass him by again. The first time he met Edmund, he was impressed by Edmund’s cool head under pressure, especially in comparison to his siblings, but he was too blinded by Susan’s beauty to fully appreciate him. Then when Edmund and Lucy arrived on the Dawn Treader, his heart leaped in happiness to see them again. And from there it wasn’t long at all until he was head over heels. 

Caspian knows he should’ve said something before Edmund left the last time, especially since it was expected that he was never coming back, and that was his only chance. He came close to it before they battled the sea serpent but for some reason, what came out instead was that he thinks of him as his brother? What? That was not at all what he intended to say, but then it was too late. Edmund was agreeing and he couldn’t take it back without sounding like a complete ass.

But now, Aslan has miraculously given him a second chance. Not that he thinks it was done for his benefit, though. He meant what he told Edmund, that Aslan did it for Edmund’s health. That’s why he broke out his sad eyes to get Edmund to eat, because just looking at him right now is painful. He’s all skin and bones and even though he just woke up from five days asleep/in a coma, the bags around his eyes look painful.

Speaking of that, he looked over to see that Edmund had stopped eating, too caught up in his thoughts, and he nudged him with his elbow to get him back on track.

Edmund looked over at him curiously, and Caspian looked pointedly at Edmund’s fork, paused in mid air on the way back to the plate.

Edmund blushed and resumed eating, but not before he said cheekily, “Yes, mum.”

xXx

After Caspian ensured Edmund ate more than his fair share of lunch, he decided that it was time for stage one of his wooing plan. He used all the information that he had, both from personal experience and the lessons the Professor taught him about the Kings and Queens of Old. This, however, was something he discovered by spending time with his beloved.

At this very moment, he was putting that plan into action, striding quickly through the castle, with Edmund a few steps behind him, wearing a bemused smile at Caspian’s obvious enthusiasm for what he termed “a surprise, Ed, come on!”

Edmund could tell fairly soon where they were headed; he used to live in the original Cair Paravel for many years after all. It may be a bit different than the original but the basic footprint is still very much the same. However, knowing that they were heading outside didn’t really narrow down the options much. But he was willing to let Caspian have his surprise, not letting his curious mind cycle through all the options and therefore ruin said surprise.

Soon, Caspian stopped. Edmund looked around inquisitively, wondering what was so special about a field. 

“Is this the surprise?” 

Caspian laughed. “No, this is where you wait while I go get the surprise.”

“What?”

“If you follow me to where I have to go to get the surprise, you’ll know immediately what it is! At least allow me a few more minutes of secrecy before your brilliant mind figures out what I’m doing.” 

Edmund shook his head fondly, unable to tear his eyes away from Caspian’s face, glowing with excitement and just a hint of mischief.

“Alright, alright, go on. I’ll wait, but you had better dazzle me.” He said in a mock demanding tone.

Caspian swept into a dramatic bow, and said, “I am at your service, my liege.”

Edmund couldn’t hold back his laughter at that, and pushed Caspian’s shoulder playfully. “Get out of here, you scoundrel.”

Edmund couldn’t have been standing there for more than a few minutes before he heard Caspian’s footsteps approaching from behind him. Except there were a few more than Caspian’s footsteps he was hearing…

He spun around and gasped.

“Oh Caspian, they’re gorgeous!”

He rushed forward and patted the neck of the gorgeous palomino mare on Caspian’s right hand side. But while he did so, he couldn’t help but stare at the handsome black stallion on the other side of Caspian. His attention was pulled back to the horse in front of him when she started nosing at his pockets for treats.

“Oh no dear one, I’m sorry I don’t have any treats for you. Why did you let me eat that apple from lunch, Caspian?” 

Caspian smiled fondly. “Because you’ve been in a coma for five days and it looks like you weren’t eating properly for a while before that, while these beauties get spoiled with treats on a regular basis. I think you needed that apple a bit more.”

As if he could understand the blasphemy coming from Caspian, the black stallion huffed, as in disagreement. Edmund grinned and reached over to stroke the horse. 

“I know, he’s crazy, right?”

“Excuse you, I am the king!” Caspian protested, puffing his chest out playfully. 

Edmund didn’t dignify that with a response, just shared a conspiratorial eye roll with the palomino, going back to petting her.

“You like her, huh?” Caspian asked softly, all the playfulness gone from his tone.

“Of course I do. You couldn’t have picked a more gorgeous horse for our ride today. I assume that’s what the surprise was?”

“Partly.”

“Partly? What else is there?”

“She’s yours.” Caspian said, continuing on when Edmund looked confused. “The mare, she’s yours now.”

“What?” Edmund gasped, unconsciously moving closer to the horse in question.

“Well I figure that since you’re going to be here for a while,” Hopefully, he added silently, “you should have your own horse. And I felt like you and this horse would be a great pair.”

Suddenly, Caspian’s arms were filled with a happy young man. He was just barely able to keep hold of the horses’ reins through his shock, but he quickly wrapped his arms around Edmund to return the hug.

“Thank you.” Edmund said, his words slightly muffled from where his face was pressed into the crook of Caspian’s neck.

“You’re very welcome.” He gave Edmund one last squeeze before regretfully stepping back. Any more of Edmund’s lips moving against his neck as he spoke, and his body was going to betray him. 

“So. What are you going to name her?”

“She doesn’t already have a name?” Edmund asked.

“No, we just recently acquired her and none of the names I’ve considered seemed to fit. But now I’m grateful for that, because that means you can decide.”

Edmund gave Caspian a shy smile before turning his full attention back onto the – no, _his_ – horse. He considered her for a long moment before speaking, his voice strong and sure.

“Jasmine.”

“That’s a good name. Would you like a lift up into the saddle?”

Caspian was given a withering look for this suggestion. “I may be shorter than you, and I may have not been here in a while, but I’m hardly incompetent. I don’t need a lift.”

Sure enough, Edmund swung into the saddle with ease, looking down at Caspian with a smug smile.

“Are you coming?” Edmund asked.

And with that he was off, urging his horse into a trot as Caspian stood there smiling stupidly at the sight. Only the black stallion, Erus, shifting in place broke him out of his reverie. 

He quickly got himself into the saddle, and set off after Edmund, calling out, “Get back here, Ed!”

He was met with only laughter.


End file.
